Saturday, November 23, 2013
My stepmother had previously agreed to watch the kids so we could go for dinner. She then later called to say she would watch the children overnight. I was shockingly surprised because it was during the workweek, and that particular next morning she was going to have to wake up at 3am for work. So when she mentioned it I was like “Whaaaaatt?! Yeah sure!” I probably could have humbly asked if she was sure she wasn’t going to be tired, but I was so ecstatic when she mentioned it, that all that went out the window.
So I had all day to get ready since I was off from working the weekend, but of course I waited until 3 o’clock to start getting dressed. I struggled to figure out what I was going to wear, but the time Boatie got home at 5, I was pretty much ready to go. So she changed, picked out her clothes, and off we went to drop the kids off at my parents.
We ended up deciding to go to this Hibachi restaurant that I had wanted to take Boatie since we met, but never really made the time to go. After arriving at the restaurant, I started the evening off with a frozen margarita, and Boatie chose a Coors Light. My drink was so strong I couldn’t even enjoy it, so I ended up getting a bomb strawberry daiquiri, to even out the taste. After a short while the cook came out and started preparing our food, doing tricks with the utensils, and making a huge fireball at the center of our table. He then went around the table and shot sake in everyone’s mouth with a squeeze type of bottle. Well, our cook had no aim. Although the sake ended up in our mouths, it also ended up our noses, on our shirts, and down our chins. When the cook attempted to throw food in everyone’s mouth he missed at all attempts. At my turn I shook my head no because I had just seen all the other fails. Of course he didn’t listen, and a huge chunk of vegetable flew into my hair. At this point I had about 4 shots of sake, plus my daiquiri, so that made it all the more hilarious and I couldn’t stop laughing.
Over all the food was delicious, the entertainment was great and all the laughter was the cherry on top of the evening. Since we had no children for the night, we were able to go home and get a little close. ;) After which it was around 10 o’clock and I remembered that we didn’t have any desert. So after giving Boatie googley eyes, I convinced her to go to Dunkin Donuts and get us some sweet stuff. We ended the night watching The X factor and snuggling in bed. It was the perfect anniversary and I couldn’t have asked for a better night with my love.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
So I just got a random text from my stepmother that reads “Hope you’re having a great day, just thinking of yall." Now this may be normal to some people to get these kind of text from their parents or loved ones, but for me it’s not. Growing up I went through certain stages with my step mom. I went through the “I think you’re the best” stage when I was really young, and then as I got older it was the “I feel like only a stepdaughter” phase…which is the one that lasted the longest.
Don’t get me wrong, my stepmother raised me well. She fed me, clothed me, did all her room mother duties at my schools, made me great birthday parties…lots of things. Honestly, she did more for me than my own mother, who at the time was still trying to get her life on track. The one thing my stepmother and I that lacked as I got older, was the internal connection. The love. Not just the regular kind of love that you have for family, we of course had that. I mean the love that is between a mother and a daughter. The “I know you love me unconditionally no matter what” type of love. Being older now, of course I know she loves me unconditionally. It’s just her ways of showing it as I grew up had a major effect on how I feel about things now in the present day. I would say as I got older saying “I love you” for no reason didn’t happen too often. So now when it’s said, it’s just kind of uncomfortable. It’s like I don’t know how to respond when she’s mushy in that way. Now I know the easiest reply to this is just respond with something just as sweet or a simple “thanks, love you”. As I sit here and type those words I don’t even realize I’m making a face while typing out I L O V E Y O U. It’s not that I don’t say it, because we say it to each other all the time. It’s just said in a more nonchalant type of way . Like a simple “Bye, I love you”, or “Okay see you there, Love you.” Very rarely is it just an “I love you” just because. I can’t even remember that last time that happened…and when it did I’m sure it was really weird. So now that im an adult any kind of sentiment from her makes me clam up and want to cover my head.
So in saying all this, my whole point of writing about it was to make me not feel so weird about it and respond to her text message. Seeing as she sent it 6 hours ago, if I respond now it would be even weirder that I took so long to respond. Thus, making me more uncomfortable if I see her later. So yeah it’s not happening. Besides, I can totally just act like I didn’t get it…that’s kinda rude though. Dammmnnnn!
Monday, November 18, 2013
So our 3 year anniversary is coming up and I have no clue what I’m going to do to make it special. After having children the focus is normally on them so now that I have to think of what to do it gets a little hard. Last year’s anniversary was a major fail. I remember Boatie being a disappointed in the fact that we kind of breezed by our anniversary. The reason that we did so is lost at the moment… but either way, that makes me want to make this one that much more special.
So planning. Well our sitters (my parents) are going out of town to visit my sister, so we won’t have them. Now getting alone time with 2 children is not that hard when they both are in bed by 9 pm. It’s the making it special and not like every other night that is going to be the harder part.
On a typical night we put the boys to bed then have “us time” which is normally catching up on our favorite shows, and me yawning around 10 oclock. So if we I do plan it on one of those type of nights, how can I make it special?? Ugh I seriously need to think fast!!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Things aren’t quite the same
as I’m imaging they might never quite be.
You said things were one way
but it seems you distorted the truth to me.
I coached you out of darkness,
encouraging you to find the light.
After all was said and done
you started shining nice and bright.
You loved your independence
and that I’m so happy for.
I just didn’t think the color of your light would change
so different than it was before.
Light always tends to fade
but for you it may be quite awhile
I often think the brightness of yourself
has made you in major denial
I don’t know how long I can just stand here
and get burnt by the heat of your light
Its slowly eating away at me
and I don’t know how long I can fight.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
They say time heals all wounds. Lies. Sometimes I feel if anything it just deepens the wound, until eventually it just becomes numb, even though you are always well aware of its presence. Me, I hate feeling numb, shoot who does? I'd rather acess the damage, see if its salvageable, neosporin it up, bandage it, and keep it moving. Then and only then will time really heal the wound.
As I'm drifting off to sleep in mid sentence I'm starting to confuse myself in what I'm actually talking about...I've read this last sentence 6 times...yup I'm done. Night!